Today I did something incredibly hard, it has been a long time coming and probably should have happened two years ago, but as I said in my online dating profile – I am loyal. The one thing I value in people, is loyalty.
Anyway, today I had to put my loyalty aside and I think that the guilt this decision might cause may follow me around for a little while. I don’t regret what I have done, but I do regret that it has come to this. I regret that in doing what I have done, I will be saying good bye to a beautiful young lady who could change the world if she set her mind to it; and her sister, who is not only my Goddaughter, but who I saw enter this world with Amazing Grace. Who will give life to the broken, laughter and joy to those in pain, and will teach the world what it means to love and be truly loved. She will teach the world about her father.
I am devastated that it has come to this, but as I enter 2018, I know that a new season is on the horizon, and it is time to say goodbye to the things of the past. So with a heavy heart, I said goodbye to their mother. It seems silly as I write this in words, but I blocked her on facebook and as a result I unfriended her. This has been a decision that has been coming for at least 3 years.
Someone once said to me that when you are at work you are paid per hour, when you give someone your time you are giving them something of value. If you get paid $15 per hour, and you give someone 2 hours, essentially you are giving them $30. The mother of these girls was really good at taking, in many ways, and when I heard this comment I realised how much had been taken from me. Now, I don’t regret these choices or the time that I spent with her, but at the time, I didn’t realise how unhealthy this friendship was. When I felt God say it is time to move countries, I put off telling her. Everyone else knew, and were so excited, but her first comment when I told her I was leaving was “why would God take you away from me when I still need you?” . To this day I will never forget standing next to her in the fruit section of the supermarket and those words.
The moment I landed in this new country, I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. I knew that as I left she would replace me with someone else, and I was right. There have been a number of messages since then, many not positive, and I think it is now time to let go.
2017 was a hard year, but God is preparing his people for a new season, a new time. 2018 will be a year of many millstones for me. I turned 30 at the end of 2017, it will be 21 years since I was diagnosed with diabetes, it will be 10 years since I started working for the company I currently work for, 5 years since I moved countries as a result of the job I had. So with all these milestone moments, and things to celebrate, I find myself getting ready for a new season.
It is time to put away things of the past, the seeds that won’t grow. It is time to lay down the hurts of the past, and step into the future. The first step in doing this is saying Goodbye. We might want to hold onto summer for as long as possible, but at the end of the day, we also need a new season of Autumn. Holding on to seasons of the past, people of the past, dreams and ideas of the past, mean that we don’t move forward. You can’t prepare for a new season if you are stuck in summer with no rain to water the plants. You need autumn and winter to prepare for the next harvest. It is the same for our lives. Saying Goodbye to whatever it is that is holding you in this season, and keeping you from the next, will mean that you can’t grow and you can’t complete what God has started in you.
So, is it time to say goodbye?
Is it time for a new season?
I think for so many of us it is. 2017 was a hard year, but when it comes to planting, you have to clear the fields, and the stones, and plough the ground. I think that was what for many, 2017 was.
Now it is time to go into a season of planting.
So yes, I made a choice today that was incredibly hard and one not taken lightly, but its time to let go and say Goodbye, time to say hello for a new season.
To Everything There is a Season
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace